


it's not like you're lingering, it's more like you're haunting

by soukoken



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: A hint of fluff, Angst, Chapter 9 Spoilers, First Love, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom/Shindo Ainosuke | Adam, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29987034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soukoken/pseuds/soukoken
Summary: That feeling—that rush of energy as his heart fluttered like a swarm of butterflies and he struggled to think straight.All Kaoru’s thoughts were consumed by him.Adam soon became his entire world.
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe & Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom, Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom, Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom & Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	it's not like you're lingering, it's more like you're haunting

**Author's Note:**

> title from pope alexander by crywank // https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYQO0v87KIg
> 
> beta read by my awesome bud @jasminairi !!

That feeling—that rush of energy as his heart fluttered like a swarm of butterflies and he struggled to think straight.

All Kaoru’s thoughts were consumed by him.

Adam soon became his entire world.

When the three of them met, they skated together in their own little universe, orbiting around each other in perfect harmony. Every moment with them felt like a blessing, every moment apart a curse. They—or more specifically he—quickly became the highlight of his life.

Kaoru didn’t want to feel this new way for Adam, to leave his best friend behind in the dust like that, but it’s not like he could stop himself.

Adam’s sapphire blue hair flowing in the wind when he was skating ahead of them, his undeniable charm that instantly made people want to dedicate their lives to him—

The way he looked at him on that fateful day when he called him  _ “special.” _

It really made Kaoru believe him. Maybe he was different from the rest, maybe he could someday be someone people could look up to the same way he and Kojiro looked up to Adam--someone who was motivation and inspiration to those who needed it the most.

It’s safe to say Kaoru was head over heels.

***

It’s really awful how quickly a life can be torn to shreds like some meaningless document, stuck forever in disdain and seemingly unable to be repaired.

He can remember the slow transition, when Adam began looking for his “Eve,” and how much Kaoru wanted to scream, “I’m right here! I can be your other half!”

Sure he might’ve felt a little bit of guilt for leaving Kojiro behind in the dust like that in his fantasies, forgotten and left as a third wheel, but he couldn’t really help it.

He was in love.

And when you’re in love, all your thoughts, motivation, plans for the future--are handcuffed, with the key thrown far away, to the one you love. It poisons your mind, an infection that spreads throughout you until it’s all that remains.

Kaoru wanted more than anything to be with him. To be by his side.

Together, they could rule the world--they could be the most admirable skating duo in all of history--and possibly even more.

He was sure of it.

So why couldn’t Adam see it?

Why?

_ Why wasn’t he good enough? _

  
  


Kaoru’s hopes and dreams faltered when Adam deemed him and his best friend unworthy of being with him.

His whole being crumbled, until he was no longer himself--Kojiro was hurt too of course, but it wasn’t the same, it wasn’t as deep for him. He already thought of Kaoru as his other half. Sure, it was wonderful having Adam along for the ride, but it started out with the two for them and that’s all that felt mandatory.

Kojiro didn’t need to be told that he was in love with Adam, though. No one did. It was plain as day.

The feeling of complete and utter betrayal was worse than anything Kaoru has ever felt before. There was a hole in his heart, in his hope, in his future shaped like the one he loved. All of his plans were discarded so easily, like some useless piece of junk, all because he wasn’t good enough.

He felt...Hollow.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

It became harder and harder for Kaoru to go on, the sudden disinterest in skating--his favorite hobby, his entire life--was overwhelming. Every time he saw his skateboard leaning against his wall delicately in the corner of his room he wanted to cry. There was still a part of him that thought maybe--maybe--if he got better, he might love him back. He might be able to stay a part of Adam’s life.

But, deep down, he knew it was too late.

Adam left them--left him--without looking back.

***

On one fateful day, Kojiro finally managed to convince his friend to come back to S with him. He knew how much he missed skateboarding--with or without him--and he just wanted Kaoru to feel something positive again. 

Despite the rivalry they developed on the outside, the two of them were actually pretty close--well, that was until Kaoru became so withdrawn at the loss of Adam that Kojiro rarely ever saw him anymore. All of his time was spent looking out the class window, leaving and entering the school as quietly and swiftly as possible. Kojiro had had enough of it.

“Joe !! You finally brought Cherry back !”

People everywhere--friends, acquaintances, the occasional fan--greeted him happily.

“Cherry Blossom ! ”

“Where the hell have you been, Cherry?” 

Kaoru shrugged modestly, shrugging off the questions while keeping an eye out for that familiar bright blue hair in the crowd.

It was nowhere to be seen.

***

Once the races were over, Kojiro looked around frantically amongst the crowd for Kaoru, dodging fan after fan and question after question in search of his friend.

He knew he shouldnt’ve left him alone--he didn’t mean to, either--but Kojiro had an idea of where he was.

And he was right. Sitting in the very same place where Adam said that to them on that day, Kaoru sat under the bridge, head in his hands, against the walls that were colorful and splattered with fading graffiti and words no one could make out.

“Kaoru…” Kojiro whispered under his breath, and as he slowly walked over to the boy on the floor, he could hear quiet sobbing.

Without saying another word, he crouched down and wrapped his best friend in his arms. Kaoru’s breath hitched in his throat as his body momentarily tensed, before he settled into Kojiro’s embrace.

They sat like that for what felt like hours but couldn't have been longer than a few minutes, with the pink haired boy finally having the shoulder to cry on that he had needed for a long, long time now.

They were both brought back to reality as the pitter-patter of the incoming storm came pouring down around them, and Kaoru finally calmed down, though still refusing to look Kojiro in the eye. He just cried in his friend’s arms over his first heartbreak, how could he not feel humiliated? 

Before he could completely process what happened, though, he felt his friend’s strong but gentle hand caress the side of his face, thumb brushing over his cheek lightly, brushing his tears away.

He looked up in surprise and is met with Kojiro looking down at him fondly, a soft and caring smile you’d never expect from someone as big and tough as him plastered on his face.

“It’s okay,” the green haired boy murmured softly, “it’s gonna be okay,”

The gentle but seemingly desperate press of their lips caught Kaoru off guard and he gasped quietly, not quite pulling away nor settling into the kiss. Before he could will his voice to work, Kojiro suddenly snapped back, eyes wide.

“Sorry--I, uh--”

He stumbled backwards onto his feet, “I should go.”

“Wait--” but it was too late.

Kaoru was left alone, sitting on the concrete under that bridge in the pouring rain, even more conflicted than before.

_ Why? _

**Author's Note:**

> gahhhh okay okay,, vent fic timeeee
> 
> chapter 9 hurt me in a deeply personal way--i never thought i'd be relating to the pink haired calligrapher twink but uh here we are
> 
> i'm planning on writing a second chapter, though i might extend it a bit if i feel up to it and yeah
> 
> hope you like!! comments & kudos are very much appreciated (although not required of course lmaoo)


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